Published October 1, 2005
I paged back through my diary
And saw your name on every page,
Remembered things I’d buried long ago
Like subtle little movements of your eyes
And almost every word you said
To me;
Only you
Could make into that naïve girl I was,
Bring her back for an encore performance
A solo rendition of not the pleasure, but the pain.
There she stands, on a stage in my head
Shouting it all out, every sordid detail
Scraping a protective layer off my heart.
My diary was never finished
There’s still reams of blank pages,
I’m going to leave it that way
Exactly the way you left me.
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141,252 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
I like it! A lot! Ieatworms pretty much covered the only part that didn't quite sound right. I love the ending.
I can really relate to going through a dairy and having it smack of someone else. You captured it well. I can spot a few things to make it better:
"Only you
Could make into that naive girl I was,"
This line didn't make sense to me. Was he making the naive girl into something, or recreating the naive girl...
"There’s still reams of blank pages,"
There are.
"I’m going to leave it that way
Exactly the way you left me."
A comma after "way" and it's wunderbar.
Love the last lines.
That was beautiful? I love the figurative-ness (the way you compared yourself to the diary) and your metaphors (the screaming girl on stage). All in all, the way your phrased it and wrote it, it was overly well done. There is nothing here that can be said to help you - it's perfect.
This was really nice, i love the last two lines. Keep writing!